It was disconcerting to realize that the little children in Sunday school knew the Bible better than I did. Desperate for more knowledge, I began reading forty chapters of the Bible a day for weeks at a time.
As I read about God speaking to people, I wondered why He no longer spoke today. I experienced feelings and impressions, some of which seemed to be God’s leading, but others reflected indigestion. Yet I longed to hear from God. As I was out walking on a mostly deserted road one day, I sensed that God was giving me faith to believe that He would grant me what I so deeply yearned for, so I asked: “God, please open my ears to hear Your voice.”
In that moment, I heard such deep love that it astonished me. I had assumed that God would be angry with me, but instead He spoke tenderly: My child, for so long I’ve desired to show you how much I love you. But you’re wrapped up in all the things you’re trying to do for Me, while you’re afraid of My presence.
I had never experienced such deep love before. I longed for God’s voice so much that each day I would go out again alone that deserted road to walk and listen to what He would say, and sometimes to write the songs He gave me. I realized that no one could come to know what God was truly like without failing madly in love with Him. It was my first time being in love. One day, like a dreamy adolescent, I asked God, “How much do You love me?”
Look at the cross, My child, He answered. Look at the nails in Jesus’s hands, the thorns in His brow, the spear in His side, and see the blood. My child, that’s how much I love you.
The Bible was clear that our relationship with God starts with His love in the cross, not our works. For a time I had grown so preoccupied with trying to be properly religious that I had become afraid of intimacy with Him. Gradually, though, as I kept hearing about the depth of God’s love for His people, I began to understand a little better how much He longs for us to love Him and one another.
Sometimes I also heard His sorrow. One night, after I had experienced a broken relationship that wounded my heart, I felt Jesus’ presence particularly deeply. I know how it feels to experience sorrow, I felt Him say. All My disciples left Me and fled. Even now, when My heart breaks for the world’s need, My people are more concerned with their own business than they are with what matters to Me-other people.
I discovered that a broken heart can help us to feel what matters to God, whose heart breaks for the world. The Bible says that He is near the broken and the lowly. His presence was so near that I told Him I was willing to experience far more brokenness, so long as I could always experience His presence to go with it.
This content is by Craig Keener, but edited and posted by Defenders Media.
For more, please check out Dr. Keener’s Impossible Love.
